Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize