You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
