Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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