somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
