like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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