Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
