Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
