So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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