last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
