So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
