I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
