nut hugger
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
