I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
