Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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