do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
