wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
