You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I met the friendliest cop last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
