Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
