How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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