Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
