I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
