Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
