walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
