We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
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I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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