she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
