What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
