I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
