she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize