she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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