I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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