Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
