So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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