you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize