Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
