Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
