Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
