Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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