if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
