not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
