Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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