If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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