Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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