I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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