Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
