When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
