i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
