Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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