Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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