Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
