Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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