forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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