All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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