Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
