Need sex. Gaining weight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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