tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize