Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
