I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
