a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
