I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
