Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
